I Lose Shoes

I don't know if I am mildly retarded or what, but I have been looking for a pair of shoes AROUND MY HOUSE for two days. They are my fake Vans that I pretty much wear everyday and they are missing. I've looked everywhere. I've looked under the couches, I've looked underneath the giant pile of clothes in my bedroom, I've looked OUTSIDE.

Now this is not the first time this has happened. Once, I washed my Scottish Vans and when I went to take them out of the dryer, there was only ONE. It is only a few feet from the washing machine to the dryer. Not much distance for a shoe to escape, right? WRONG. I looked for that damned shoe for weeks. WEEKS. I did several other loads of laundry in that time. About three weeks later I look in the dryer, and there is the shoe. WTF? Someone has got to be fucking with me. Chad promised on his life that it wasn't him. I have a couple of theories as to what happened.
Theory 1: The little girl next door was so taken with me and my plaid shoes that she stole one to admire. Her parents later found her cuddling it in bed and were too embarrassed to return it to me personally, so they slipped in back into my dryer.
Theory 2: My dryer is possessed.
Theory 3: Chad is trying to make me go crazy so he can have the house to himself and play guitar as loud as he wants. (It's working.)

I've been wearing my beloved waffle soled Nikes as a replacement. While I am happy to put the Wafflys back into rotation, because fittingly enough, I had lost one under the giant clothes pile in my bedroom; they certainly lack the convenience of the slip-ons. Le Sigh.

I am putting out an Amber alert for my fake Vans. If you see them please give me a call. :(

I'm goint to Target to buy these:

Hopefully I won't lose them.